Why I’d Be a Terrible Buddhist

The other day, a fly the size of a quarter sneaked in to our home.  No amount of opening the door to show him the way out worked.  Apparently, he wanted to live out the rest of his brief life tormenting me in my sleep.

Yes, I’m calling this fly a male.  Because only a guy would be this annoying.

As I headed up to bed that night, he followed me up there.  Like a pet.  He found a resting place pretty quickly and all was quiet as I crawled in to bed, turned off the light, and got comfortable.

And that’s when the fly party began.

He started buzzing by my head every few seconds.  And when that wasn’t pestering me enough, he found his way under my bed and started bouncing off the bedframe.

Having hit my limit, I threw off the covers, scurried out of bed, and started my hunt.  Initially, I grabbed a cup and a book, thinking I could trap him and usher him outside.  Where he BELONGED.

And though he was big and sluggish, I still couldn’t trap him.  Keep in mind, I’m still gimpy and one handed, so being quick on my feet is not something I’m winning at.

When doing the humane act didn’t take, I shrugged the fly off and thought that perhaps I’d terrorized him enough that he’d leave me alone.  Once again, I snuggled up in my sheets and tried to fall asleep.

Bzzz. Bzzzz.  Bzz bzz bzz bzz.  BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Alright, fly, I thought.  Prepare for Shock and Awe.

I bolted out of bed, snapped on the light, grabbed the biggest book I could find, and went after that sucker.  Five minutes, FIVE MINUTES of chasing him around the room and swatting with my lame left-handed swing did nothing to eradicate this fly.

He was crafty, I have to admit.  At one point he got smart and started hiding in between our clothes.  When that plan failed, he darted back to the bed and crossed over it, making me have to run around to the other side, only to see him zig-zag back the way he came.

Finally, he landed on the wall and rested just a little too long.

WHAP! 

Got him.  Saw his limp little body tumble to the ground in defeat.  And then was rewarded with silence.

Thinking that my work here was done, I turned off the light again and poured myself in to bed.

And then…

BZZZZ.   BZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.   BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Are you f’ing kidding me?

That little turd of a fly had heaved his injured body in to the nearest air conditioning vent, which only amplified his buzzing.

I was very near insanity.

Prying open the vent cover, I couldn’t see him.  I could only hear him.  Probably his plan all along, that sneaky SOB.  So I did what any self-respecting person at midnight would do.

I sucked him up in the dust buster and flushed him down the toilet.

Was I treating this little life with respect?  No.  But I sure did sleep well that night.

Namaste.

 

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