This coming weekend marks the second of three High School reunions that I will be missing. Yeah, it’s a big one…the 20th. My husband can’t believe I’m not making the homecoming voyage to see people I haven’t visited with in decades and get stupid drunk in the process.
Here’s the thing: I went to two high schools and transferred to the last one my Senior Year. It was a horrible year for the most part, filled with anger and resentment on my end by being displaced and uprooted so close to graduation. I had made a comfy spot for myself at my old school, had things going for me, and was beyond pissed to have to leave it all and start from scratch hundreds of miles away.
At my new school, I spent that first day or two eating lunch by myself on a bench outside, feeling like a social leper. Day 3 provided a nice twist of fate when locker assignments were given out, and I was the only one that had to share…with a fellow transfer student that didn’t know anyone either. Laurie was like an angel, saving me from becoming an afternoon television special on teen depression. Towards the half of the year, I stumbled on those kooky theater folks and found a group of misfits to keep my company. They were fun, supportive, easy to get along with, and they are the few with whom I still keep in contact. Sadly, many of them probably won’t attend the reunion scheduled for later this summer. Much like the anti-Project Graduation fete held by a friend (pledging the opposite of the wholesome school-sanctioned party at Sea World, several us got inebriated and passed out under coffee tables and on the lawn), a similar anti-reunion reunion was held 10 years ago. I was already scheduled to ship out on a family cruise. I hoped they might organize this again for the 20th, but it seems as if everyone is over it.
So, the one this weekend? It’s the class in which I spent three years of my high school experience. Folks that I thought I’d be friends with forever, who would one day be college roommates, bridesmaids in my wedding, and godparents to my children. I only kept in close touch with ONE friend from that school over the years, and in the past couple years we’ve lost touch, which makes me sad. Sure, there are people it would be nice to reconnect with, and I’m more than curious to see how my high school crush turned out, what ever happened to the folks that stayed in town, and more importantly those that left. But in all honesty, I don’t think anyone would remember me. Since I didn’t officially walk the stage with these folks, I feel as if it’s not my place. Somehow it doesn’t feel worth the cost of a plane ticket and the attempt to try to look my best for people I hardly know well anymore.
Romy and Michelle, I am not…
Still, a part of me is very jealous of my husband’s turn. He excitedly looked forward to his 20th reunion, had a blast hanging out with people he knew way back when, and looks back fondly on that weekend. I wish I could feel the same…
There is totally a party at E’s – we’re just not broadcasting it yet. Come on down. I’ll be huge yet only halfway through my pregnancy.
I hate that you were miserable. I never saw it. Stupid self-involved teenagers.
R – Yay! Any chance that it’s in August?
I don’t know that I was miserable all year. And meeting you was like a beacon of light in a very dark sea. Very many fond memories…
But those first few months were awful.
We go through such angst when we are teenagers. I have re-connected with most of my hs friends on fb & it’s funny how some of them who would never give me the time of day, now talk to me on fb like I was there best friend.
Thank you for visiting my site and following via voiceBoks!
Erin
http://www.mynuggetsoftruth.blogspot.com
hahah Romy and Michelle….I love that movie! I say don’t go and keep your life a mystery =)
Erin – I know…so much drama for such small things (looking back, at least). I do keep up on folks’ whereabouts and such on fb, but no one has asked if I’m headed to the reunion. Oh well…
RJ – LOVE that idea. I feel so intriguing…
I was never much of a reuinion girl myself. I did not got to my prom, opting instead to go to the beach for the weekend with a freind. We stayed at a hotel for two nights and got extremely sunburnt!!! My husbands 20th reunion was so much fun I decided to go to mine. It was OK but most of the eople I was close to did not go, also, since I now live where I grew up, I sort of feel like I live in a reuinion, my kids go to the same schools I did and some of my middleschoolers teachers were kids I went to high shcool with. It is strange the odd connection we have with that very short time in our lives. Thanks for a great post!! I’m visiting from Voiceboks weekedn catch up, which I’m so glad I did so I could catch up with your blog!!! Take care!!
Ohhhh! That´s too bad! I´m like the party seeker!! and usually end up being the last one to leave the place LOL. Although I must confess there are times when I don´t fell like going and, once I´m there I end up having a great time. Anyway, don´t feel sad… it seems that deep inside….. (fill in the blank)
Your friend from VoiceBoks
Lolo
http://detodounlolo.blogspot.com
I changed schools too. I don’t think anyone would remember me except my then boyfriend! I have never been to any of my reunions nor have I been invited and I am still here! Visiting from VoiceBoks!~Lisa
I am all a twitter about life
Don’t worry about it too much! If you want to go, you should. If not, don’t. If your husband goes with you, you’ll have fun no matter what. Right? http://homesandbabies.blogspot.com
My 10 year reunion was in 1990 & I was in a terrible car accident so I missed it, but the class signed a card for me, so that was pretty special. As far as I know, there hasn’t been another reunion, but I would go if they had one.
Stopping by from VoiceBoks!
http://ziggysblogs.blogspot.com
I think you have to be comfortable with your decision. I am all for your honesty. Glad to have met you via Voiceboks!
These kinds of things always make me squirm. I know I am SUPPOSED to want to go, but deep down I never really want to. At this point in my life the people who are my true life-long friends have shaken out and I’ve made peace with the fact that even if I went to a reunion people would either have forgotten who I was or wondered why I bothered coming.
I really enjoy reading your blog, Gina! Hugs & kisses!
Su
I have no desire to go to a high school reunion. Apparently the rest of my class (all 32 of them, I went to a small school) doesn’t either, as we haven’t had a reunion since the 5th one. My 20th should be in 2013, so we’ll see what happens, but I doubt anything will come of it. As for high school friends, I have one that I keep in close touch with. The rest of them, an occasional message on FB is pretty much all we have left.
I’m visiting from VB!
I have never been to a high school reunion. I’ve peeked into the lives of a few I went to school with through facebook, but to go and get together with them all – no thanks. I can completely understand your feelings. I didn’t move – but had a similarly traumatic high school experience. My husband is a totally different guy, though. He’s so social and already keeps in touch with a ton of people from his high school days. I’m sure when his reunion comes up, he’ll have a blast.
Christina
Visiting from voiceBoks!
I’ve never attended a high school reunion because I went to three high schools (Army Brat)!
My husband has no interest in going to his either…his comments about high school…everyone I knew is either dead or in jail (probably)! Nice…glad I got him after he worked out all those issues!
Have a great Sunday!
Steph
stopping by from voiceBoks!
http://www.alwaysjustamom.blogspot.com
It can be a bummer to move during high school, but you gotta do what you feel comfortable with. All the praise to you for your decision:) Visiting from voiceBoks. Glad to reconnect with you again
Barbara
http://spanishforkids-jbplbarbara.blogspot.com
I feel that when you get a family, they become your best friends and the friends I would want to visit with from high school, I already do – just like you. Like you, I am also curious to see what became of some of the members of my class, but I don’t know if I am enough to go. I was chosen most likely to weigh 500 lbs. because I was always eating. I do want to show them that I didn’t turn out 500 lbs. Next year is my 20th so I’ll have to see. My words of advice, spend the money on something you know you will like with people you know you will want to visit with!☺
Kathy – isn’t it weird how four short years can cement so much? I think I would have had a decent time, but it probably wouldn’t have been worth the hassle of travel.
Lola – you party girl, you! In general, I like parties, but I sorta need to know a few people there, y’know?
Lisa – glad to see I’m not the only one that skipped out on the whole hoopla!
NYOA – I think I’ve made the right decision, though. It would be different if I didn’t have to travel.
Oh Laura! I’m so sorry you had to miss for such awful reasons! But how sweet that they got you a card…
Product junkie – I totally am now. Thanks!
SU!! Can I tell you how happy am I that you’ve found me over here? You statement pegged my feelings exactly. But perhaps there’s also some fear in there too, you know?
Nikki – I suppose that 20 years IS a long time to sustain that kind of closeness.
Christina – our husbands sound alike! I have been able to keep up via fb, and it seems like just the right amount of interaction…
Steph – ha! Now that the day is over and I’ve seen pics online, I feel okay about my decision. But how will I know who ended up incarcerated?
Barbara – I AM feeling good about it now. I think there are other things to focus on at this point. Glad to reconnect with you too!
Melanie – what kind of horrible superlative IS that? We were so cruel at that age, huh?
I’ve always been curious about how my own highschool reunions will turn out. Interestingly enough, I was also one of those kooky theatre folk! Loved it and I am so grateful for facebook that lets me keep in touch with everyone.
I hope that regardless of whether you decide to go or not, that you are able to ultimately look back on HS fondly and forget some of those miserable memories.
Visiting from VB
http://naturallynena.blogspot.com
Thanks, Nena. If I look back at high school with a fuzzy focus, yes, overall I had a great time. But not great enough thatiwant to revisit some of those feelings again.
I went to my 10 year last fall and came to the conclusion that fa.cebook has made the reunion needless. I didn’t have much fun. I already knew as much as I cared to about everyone. We’ll see if I feel the same way in 10 years.
I feel the exact same way about reunions! I keep in contact with my few close friends and that’s it. I was an artsy type, so many wouldn’t go the the reunions as well.
I forgot to mention that I’ve had the title of your post, well the song in my head for a few days. Not sure why. I’ve also had in my head that really lame song, “Hey kids rock and roll, rock on.” The band tried to pull that song off like it was an original. I totally didn’t know until years later that it was a remake!
Kasey – I do think you’re right. Facebook has sort of watered down the mystique of the high school reunion.
Alissa – Sorry, didn’t mean to get that stuck in your head! Now, of course, I have YOUR song in mine. Didn’t they use that in Lost Boys?
Loved this post, because I can totes relate. I won’t go to mine either, but its just cause I’m over it. Just don’t feel the need. But. . .my husband wouldn’t miss his for anything in the world. He was class president . . .bluk!
I’m your newest follower!
http://www.nickiwoo.com/2011/06/puglian-cookbook-by-viktorija.html
Niki – yeah, I’m sure I’ll be accompanying my husband to his 30th, 40th, 50th…
Thanks for stopping by!
I understand how you feel. Just please yourself. Visiting from vB.
Hey! I was a theater kid too, and it was COOL! My 20 year was almost 3 years ago, (yeah yeah, some quick mental addition & you’ll figure out my age) but I was on the committee. I love dorky stuff like that. I put mini reunions together twice a year for those who come into town and just because I like to say hi to everyone.
It’s not the same for every person or every school. I was a complete nerd and fought my way out of that cycle until I was more comfortable by the time I was 15. Facebook has helped us stay in touch, and I switched schools twice but ended up in the same h.s. for all 4 years.
H.S. can be very traumatic. The first week of freshman year I was the one on a bench eating alone wondering if I’d ever make a friend. I totally brow beat EVERYONE I went to h.s. who’s on facebook with to try to visit at least once. (650 kids) If a reunion committee has people totally dedicated to making the reunion the best experience for everyone, and not praising themselves, then EVERYONE will have fun.
It’s true about f/b making folks talk like they’ve always been friends. Some people I don’t remember ever seeing in school have become dear friends now. People just have to be willing to put forth the effort to make others feel like they matter. I want everyone I ever meet to know they mattered. Even if I think they suck
Love to ya girl
Sharon
Well, I went to the same high school, middle school, and elementary school for 10 years as the rest of my reunion crowd. Soooo, the 10 year rolls around, and I’m nervously trying on jeans (it was at a bar) asking hubby if these look ok, etc) and since he was Mr. I’m all that at school he totally doesn’t get it and says YOU LOOK FINE! so we go, and one of two things happens. 1. I get this comment from two snarky girls who absolute hadn’t changed much in 10 years. “You haven’t changed a bit! You look just like you did in high school!” Fine except i was 43 pounds heavier in high school and went from wearing a size 16 to an 8?!? Or I got 2. “Did you go to XYZ school?” Seriously???? OMGosh.
So after that super fun scenario, around rolls the 20th reunion. Same hubby says “We ARE going after the last one!!” He told me if no one spoke to me he’d march right up (he went to a totally different school) and act like he was their long lost best friend and why in the world don’t they remember him?
The 20th was at a bar. We got there about 10 minutes into the thing, and the few people that had gotten there were grouped together talking (they were all friends in high school) and I summoned up (and it took all I had!) the nerve to go speak instead of sitting at the bar stools with hubby by ourselves. Ya’ll, I had to introduce myself to those folks. Yep, still didn’t know me. Now, granted, this group was the cheerleaders/SGA/football team stars, but heck, I was just as good looking as they were back in school, and at this point I have to say I looked BETTER than they did! Something happens to people when they spend the better part of 20 years partying it up, and since I haven’t, it shows.
Anyhow, they finally MAYBE remembered who I was, and then the rest of the crowd arrived. My crowd that I loved and hung out with in school did show up and DID remember me (miracle of miracles) and told me I looked incredible after losing 40 lbs. It was so nice to hear!
We talked about our husbands and families, showed kid pictures, swapped emails and friended on FB if we hadn’t before, and it was a good night. Granted, I will not forget how much courage I had to screw up to go up and “introduce myself” to the first bunch but by the end of the night they figured out that I wasn’t so bad after all, and I even got an apology out of one of them who slingshotted my sister with a rock (I beat the daylights out of that boy for that). I guess he finally figured out you don’t hit a girl. PERIOD. LOL.
It was interesting because I found out a lot of people were so much more approachable at the 20th. They’d actually grown up. One of the boys I thought was so far out of my league in high school (he played football and baseball and was HOT!) told my husband he never quite thought he fit in because his family had ZERO money and they lived in a tiny house and he hid that from his “friends” and girlfriends all that time. So sad.
Go to the 20th, folks. You might get a whole different perspective.
BTW, found you on VoiceBoks!
Nekky – will do.
Sharon – you’re hilarious! I think I just don’t feel connected to folks any more and I’d much rather schedule a visit to see friends I DO feel connected to. You WOULD be on the committee… ;p
Elizabeth – your story is the whole reason why I skipped the second reunion. I’m just not interested in making that effort. Perhaps that is spoken out of fear, who knows. But it’s just not worth the stress to me. Thanks for your input!
I enjoyed my last 2 reunions. I was the one who got along with everyone from the popular clicks to the theatre people to the nerds in the advanced classes. I was on the Pom line,(because I did ballet)and I always ran for student govt. offices, getting up and giving a speech, which almost killed me with my fear of public speaking. Our mom made us do stuff like that. Even though I got along with everyone, I was very quiet and stayed home a lot…not a social butterfly at all. I never went to prom and never went to a party. Somehow, they all voted me homecoming queen, so I kind of felt the pressure of showing up. What I really liked the most, was the bond and connection I felt with the ones I knew from kindergarten. Even though we’re all in very different places now, and rarely connect, we all share where we came from together. It just stays with you.
Courtney – I did Pom too! I was pretty active in just about everything in school – Pom and band geek here! I think if I had been in school for a long time with the folks I graduated with, I’d have gone for sure.