Single parenting…

My husband travels a lot for work.  Not enormous, transcontinental flights that require him to be gone weeks at a time, but enough to where I forget where is going half the time.

We’ve been navigating this now for over five years.  You’d think I’d have this down by now.  And for the most part, I do.  I don’t dread solo-bedtime-routines.  We’ve got a pattern down.  I can get us all up and out the door in the mornings.  The trips don’t seem as long as they used to.  But it certainly helps to have another partner around.  Someone to play hide and seek while the other cleans up from dinner.   Divide and conquer.  Give each other a break.

It’s finding time to take care of myself when I’m flying solo that I can’t seem to pin down.  Jon’s been gone a little longer this trip, and normally I might be able to sneak in a workout in the mornings and some errands while Miss P is in preschool.  But this week has proven to be a calendar challenge, as I’ve had appointments or meetings every morning.  Working out (i.e. “taking care of myself”) has been replaced by trying to cram in work during naps and after bed.  I’ve been getting to bed way too late and waking up too early.  Ergo, I’m tired, cranky, and, by the end of the week, I’m toast.

This hasn’t translated to perfect parenting either.  Yesterday was so busy and kid-heavy that I didn’t get two minutes to myself until after the kids went to bed.  By the time bedtime rolled around, sleep-deprivation and stress and compounded in to a massive headache.  I wasn’t my most patient and felt laden with guilt at how I blew up at the kids when they got water all over the bathroom floor yet again.

They don’t deserve that.  They’re good kids.  They have fun together.  Why do I have to be such a killjoy?  How can I muster up the same easy going energy I had at the beginning of the week without Jon around after four days have passed?  How do you sustain that without letting the weight of solo parenting get you down?

I know that I need to revisit with work I’ve done on myself.  Get back to daily mediation.  Do some yoga.  Take care of myself.  But it’s soooo hard to get up THAT early in the morning when I know I have a full day of full-speed-ahead mothering in front of me.

In all honesty, I’ve lost my mojo.  I’ve lost my fun.  Where did it go?  I know it’s not hidden under the sofa cushions, as that space has already been checked and inhabited by My Little Petshop critters.

I see glimpses of my old self at times.  The way I might sing silly in the car.  In the purposeful way I mess up The Night Before Christmas to elicit a laugh from the kids.  And I see that excitement in the kids eyes, that hope that I might return to that mother that had at least an ounce of humor and fun in her.

What have you done to reset yourself?  How did you get the wind back in your sails?