It’s not very often that I come across the chance to get away from my life as a mother and wife. On a daily basis, the majority of my time is spent focusing on making sure the kids are watered and fed, the house doesn’t get swallowed up and digested by laundry and dirty dishes, and that my part-time employers don’t get Pink Slip happy and cut me loose.
So when my blogger buddy Keesha from Mom’s New Stage hinted at meeting up at BloggyCon this weekend, I jumped at the chance to skip out of town and leave the kids with Jon. I literally skipped…to the car, in the hotel lobby, around my childless hotel room. Heck, Jon travels all the time for work, it’s payback time, right?
Photo courtesy Lasse Christensen. Some rights reserved.
But, like every other time I’ve left home (which hadn’t been in over a year), after the giddy euphoria of being kid-free dissipates, I’m left with a rancid taste of guilt in my mouth. Seriously? I can’t get 48 hours alone without this Mommy Guilt pissing all over my party? When I’m at home with my kids, I find myself fighting the urge to speed out to the airport and stow away on a flight to Tahiti. So why does leaving them for longer stretches give me temporary amnesia? Why am I spending my few hours away from them even thinking about them? I’m supposed to be enjoying myself, dammit! Not pining for those little terrors that made me want to get away in the first place.
First, that Get Away Guilt (a.k.a. GAG) comes the millisecond I spot Other Kids. The ones that slightly resemble my offspring and remind me I’ve ditched my own at home. Date night with my husband? We get seated next to the family with kids our childrens’ ages. On a flight without kids for the first time in half a decade? I get seated next to the adorable little girl with springy pigtails and Oreo crumbs littering her face who has suckered me into engaged me in a rip-roaring round of peek-a-boo, making me regret having yelled at my daughter mere hours before for smearing her booger on the back of my shirt. Driving in the car alone, without having to expedite snacks and loveys to the backseat? That’s a good time for the radio to air one of my kids’ favorite songs. And there I am, smiling in slow motion, thinking about how sweet and cute and loving and well behaved my kids are. Delusional, yes. Temporarily insane? Most definitely. GAG.
What IS that? Am I the only one that experiences this GAG? What is that cliche, about distance making the heart grow fonder?
Because I know that an hour after I return home, after the rib-crushing hugs have been issued, after I have drowned in the glorious little kid perfume of peanut butter sandwich/mud-pie/crayon and after the excitement of having me back home as floated away, the bickering will resurface, socks will be left out on every surface of the living room, and life will assume its normalcy.
By the way, I just checked. It is only a quick 19-hour flight to get away to Bora Bora…
Oh my! Bahahahaha! I live your life sweetie, for sure! Last time hubby and I got away for 3 whole days, we were on the phone and calling to check on the kids within 10 minutes of checking in. That was in 2004 when we only had 4 kids!
Yeah…I suffer from it too.
What is wrong with us?????
Sharon
Sharon, isn’t that always the way? The last time Jon and I went out of town, we spent an entire day shopping…for the kids. I guess we’re just always a parent, right? My guess though is that 3 days isn’t long enough. You’re still thinking about them at that point, it’s not enough time to decompress. Or at least that’s my excuse for looking to book a week long trip next year!
HA! I am right there with you! When hubbie and I do go out, which has been along time ago, we are talking about the kids, calling them to make sure there alright, or buy stuff for them! We cant win for losing!
I’m not sure now if it’s guilt, or just that our kids are so ingrained in our lives that we can’t function as if we didn’t have them when we’re apart from them. Habit, perhaps?
The PERFECT acronym (GAG), lol, and I can TOTALLY relate!! I hope you still got to enjoy some of your trip!
Yes, Rosey, I still was able to enjoy my trip. But it took until Friday night or Saturday morning before I could just enjoy myself as a person, not as a mommy who skipped town.
my GAG reflection hasn’t happened in a while—hadn’t have more then an overnight stay with grandma this summer–but the first time my daughter went camping with a friend from school-FOUR DAYS!!! Oh I needed medication after the first night !!!! =)
Oh Pamela, a camping trip sounds like a wicked combination of freedom and misery. Our kids spent a few days with their grandparents this summer while Jon and I headed to Ohio to get our house ready. We were so busy that we didn’t get to enjoy fully the freedom we had, but every day around nap and bedtime, I just felt like something was missing.
I feel the exact same way! The first kid I see reminds me of one of mine and I miss them terribly.
It’s such a double-edged sword, right?
It’s disgusting, isn’t it? We mothers are like heroin addicts minus the needles, the heroin, and the track marks. Pathetic. In June, my husband and I had a rare getaway to NYC to celebrate our anniversary. Someone had left an empty Chef Boyardee can underneath one of the seats in the subway and it reminded me of my tweenage daughter. Sad, huh? (You should see her room.)
Addict, yes. Hi, my name is Gina, and I’m a mommyholic. I love that you were reminded of your daughter by an empty can of ravioli. When we get away from our kids, I often find myself thinking “Oh, B would like this…” or “If only P were here.” What the heck is that about? Do I REALLY wish they were there with me?
Gina, love the new look! That’s a great name for it.. GAG! Happens to me all the time
and now I will know what to call it. Grace, peace and blessings, Carla
Thanks for the compliment on the new look! I’m really digging it. That guilt or inability to leave your children behind does feel like some kind of automatic response, like a gag reflex, right?
Gina, it’s a good thing to miss your kids. If you didn’t, wouldn’t you find it weird? I miss my kids when I drop them off at school, doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy my quiet time though.
Yes, Becky, I totally agree that it’s a good thing to miss your kids. I mean, they do make me a Mommy after all. But I think my problem is that I don’t focus on ME when I do finally get away from them. The guilt of taking time for myself gets in the way of that a bit.
I know just how you feel. Absence or just the idea of absence makes the heart indeed grow fonder. But sometimes you just have to go away, so you can feel that you miss them.
I think that’s so true. I’m never gone often or long enough to really feel like I miss them. Which is why my husband is probably more tolerant since he travels a lot.
I experience GAG when I go to the grocery store with out my kids. Its an epidemic. Quick all the CDC and ask if there is a cure.
Truly an epidemic! I think the cure involves a hunky massage guy on a beachy resort with fruity beverages…but maybe there’s something Heloise could recommend. Vinegar? Isn’t that the solution for just about everything?