I can’t seem to let my kids grow up just yet. They are 6 and 3 years old, and while I’m enjoying some of the things that come with having older kids (like banishing diapers, being a little more lax with screen time limits, not cutting grapes anymore, un-babyproofing the house…), I still can’t bear the thought that my kids, my spawn, aren’t babies anymore.
We took the protective railing off of Miss P’s big girl bed in the week before we moved, and I felt a flash of panic. Once we took it off, there was no going back. Luckily she hasn’t fully explored the freedom that comes from being out of bed jail, and she hasn’t fallen out of her bed yet either.
Truly it was her that was ready for a while and it was me that was holding her back.
I’d like to say that my hesitation to let them move on from infancy stops there. But it doesn’t.
Please tell me I’m not the only mom that still washes their preschooler and 1st grader’s clothes in Dreft? Because man, I love the way their clothes and bedding smells when I do. It makes my boobs ache a little bit just smelling it, like the smell of their first few newborn days at home with us.
I still bathe them in J&J’s lavender baby bath soap. Again, because of the smell. And out of sheer laziness. It’s soap AND shampoo!
I will pony up the moula to bring home those big full-sized chamois bed sheets from Pottery Barn Kids because its all the kids have ever known to sleep in. A cocoon of the softest fabric in the planet. The kind that you touch and want to sink in to, resurfacing from slumber only to get a snack.
Sure, they can sleep on regular sheets. But then I’d have to face the fact that they could maybe do without the cozy sheets they’ve had since they were babies.
And if they can get by without those sheets, if they can withstand regular adult laundry detergent and normal shampoo and soap, what else can they get by without? Mommy cuddles in the morning or when they’re sad? Holding my hand for no reason? Kisses to booboo’s in lieu of a bandaid?
Do I have to give all that up?
This is such a good post for me to read right now. I’m going through the same thing. My baby is two and growing up too fast. My other baby just turned four. I’m having a hard time thinking this is his last year home before kindergarten. So until they’re grown-ups–bring on the Dreft LOL! :0)
Awww. You know one of the cute things I miss is when my son would bump his head or something and I would go spank whatever hurt him and say, “Bad wall!” Oh I miss that! He is seven now. Let’s see I still have the bumper around the brick thing of the fireplace. I’ll leave it there until he’s six feet tall
LOL to boobs aching. That’s a pain I don’t want to relive.
I love it, each age comes with it’s own set of things you will come to miss and other things your ready to let go of and never look back. I cherish my children ages 4 and 9 and while each day they become independent I know that I spent every last minute I could enjoying their childhood and that is something I can hold on to as they grow old and then pass onto my grand babies!
Luckily my Little Chefs have not out grown me or my over protectiveness. But I can see it coming quickly. So I am appreciating every minute I have with them that they will let me read and cuddle or eat ice cream wrapped in a blanket…it is fun for all of us!
Elisa – Doesn’t it feel like before you know it, they’ll be in college? Sometimes I just want time to stop for a bit…
Kenya – LOL about the fireplace guard! It did feel pretty liberating to take all the outlet plugs out and give them away.
Savy – That’s so true about each age and what you miss. It certainly makes me grateful for each cuddle and kiss, knowing that in 10 years they’ll want nothing to do with me!
Five Little Chefs – I think those independent phases wax and wane as they age, pushing us away and then coming back. But I’ll take what I can get at the moment…
I know the feeling’s you are talking about my youngest is 6, my others are 12 and 19 …so I am definitely holding holding onto my 6yr old tightly, watching him become more independent is a blessing and kills me at the same time!Their is something so sweet and gentle about their younger years it’s hard to move on. Although my husband and I plan to add to our family early next year, (fingers crossed). I still find it hard to see the others growing up. It’s hard to let go, and honestly I probably never will, fully
I don’t think as moms we ever truly let go, we just lessen the grip, our hearts hold onto them forever.Great Post by the way!
You are the only mom who still uses Dreft for their older kid’s clothes.
Seriously, I understand completely. while I no longer use baby soaps, they smell so wonderful. I love the smell of Dreft. And I’m sitting here thinking “Why don’t I still use that stuff? Why did I stop?” Gosh I am totally going to the store in a few minutes.
And the thing about buying high-end sheets are, they last a whole lot longer so in the long run, you are really saving money.
Oh, and did you change your blog design? I love it!
Joy, I’ve had to let go of 5 kids so far who have spread their wings and left home. I have one more to let go of and since he’s the last, it’s harder than ever. I have 2 more years with him and I’m going to enjoy every day of it. Here is a post that I wrote about Letting Go. http://mynuggetsoftruth.blogspot.com/2010/08/mothers-letting-go.html.
Hang on to every precious moment with those babies!!!! You are making lots of memories! Thanks for sharing!
~Erin
Heather, the lessening the grip thing? What a beautiful way to put it. I think when they’re so young, there’s still some innocent sweetness about them. It’s hard for me to see my 6 year old’s ego develop, to see him doubt himself or feel he needs to be right all the time. Being independent from me.
Debbie – darnit, I KNEW IT!
I think the bottle even says “up to 18 months” but I can’t help myself. I like to rationalize it by saying that it’s gentler for their sensitive skin, and I can use it instead of Woolite. Right? That’s what I tell myself anyway.
Yep, yep, yep…I can totally relate. My girls are 7 and 3. It’s weird to me that we are nearly out of sippy cups forever and that I still haven’t tossed the binkies I have hidden in the cupboard from when we were weaning my youngest from them. There are just some things us mama’s don’t want to let go of. I guess it helps to keep in mind that with every new age and phase we get to see how great our kids are turning out.
Blessings,
~Rosann
Erin – You must have snuck in there after I posted last. Thank you for sharing your post. Your words were beautiful and comforting! I can’t imagine “really” letting go, pushing them out of the nest when the time comes. I loved the part about the hole you thought would be left was filled with pride.
Rosann – Yeah, the sippy cups. And the divided plates. We haven’t gotten rid of them completely, but I’m slowly phasing them out. The sippy cups are great for my 3 year old who likes to put her drinks down in the middle of the floor and knock them over. And I’m a total sentimental pack-rat. I have the plastic container the NICU gave us to warm up our bottles of breastmilk. Why I can’t throw it out, I have no idea!
G, I am really struggling with this, too. Matt is almost TEN, and I am freaking out not a little. In talking with other moms of 9-11 year olds, I seem to still be white-knuckling his childhood. It’s breath taking to watch him brave the world on his own, but when I think of things like middle school girls and coke machines in places where I am not present it’s more like a dying guppy gasp. I think what’s making it tolerable for the three of us is that it’s all out in the open–we talk about my being a weirdo about Matt growing up and I take a pretty good ribbing for it. God help us! (and I still have divided plates that his friends now think are funny)
These moments are so fleeting so I love to enjoy them as long as possible because one of these days they’re not going to smell as sweet or even let Mama bathe them anymore.
S – I’m somewhat relieved to hear that this kind of hanging on thing doesn’t stop once they’re out of diapers. And I’m sure that as they get older, the concerns just get bigger. Mine feels more like the scene in Little Mermaid, where Ursula loses Ariel’s voice, and she’s just clawing on to her throat to hold on to it. I love the idea of putting my feelings out there for them though.
Becky Jane – They ARE so fleeting! I totally dread the day that my son loses that little boy smell and becomes stinky. And the day that my daughter will push me away when I want a cuddle. But I guess that’s part of the weaning process, right?