Bodily fluids…

Two things happened the other day that I’d always heard about from other parents, but never actually experienced.  And the simple fact that they happened on the SAME day?  Well, that’s parenting for ya…

Item #1:
I came home from rehearsal and went in to get Miss P out of her crib when she woke up from her nap.  I noticed that her sleep sack was still draped over the side of her crib, but chalked it up to it being a warm day.  Perhaps our babysitter thought the fleecy number might get Miss P too hot, I don’t know.  As I get closer to Miss P, I realize something.  Huh.  Is that a DIAPER in the middle of her crib?  Why, yes, yes it is.  And there’s her pants, all the way over there.  And that dark spot in the center of her sheet?  Do I even need to say it?  Pee.  Urine.  All over her crib.  And her woobies.  And her kitty cats.  Then, Jon called me today to let me know that Miss P didn’t take much of a nap today, because she spent that time figuring out how to get OUT of the freakin’ sleep sack, take off her pants and diaper, and shit all over her bed.  Fantastic.  How do I get this to stop?  Cement diapers?

Note to self:  Miss P will need to be straight-jacketed in to that sleep sack until she’s in college.

Item #2:
I’m reading books to Mr. B before bed time and happen to look up at the wall just above his bed.  And that’s when I see it.  Booger wallpaper.  Smeared snot all over the wall.  It was utterly disgusting.  I looked at Mr. B and asked him what that was, and he just shrugged and said “I don’t know.”  And in that moment, he seemed like such a Boy.   A nose-picking, underwear-digging, demolition-loving Boy.  And I want to figure out a way to stunt his growth and development.  Not permanently, but just a little longer.  Just long enough so that I can wonder at his imagination, envy his innocence, and, of course, squeeze in more cuddles.

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