10 Reasons Why I Don’t Shop on Black Friday

Do you smell that?  It’s the scent of glossy store advertisements being printed all throughout the country, ready to roll out in a week to homes across America.

I usually just use these as table protection against the onslaught of holiday kid crafts.  But I know that many people use these as their own personal Black Friday guides.

One year while living in Denver, my cousin came over with her family for Thanksgiving.  Along with a green bean casserole and pumpkin pie, she came armed with a stack of newspaper circulars and a sharpie.  As the turkey roasted in the oven and the cooking took a break, she mapped out her shopping extravaganza for the next morning at the crack of dawn, scouring for the best deals.

And all I could think while watching her delight in circling items and finding the perfect gift for her loved ones was “There’s not a deal in the world that would drag me to the stores on Black Friday.”

It’s not that I don’t like a great deal.  But I have several reasons for not going anywhere near a store after Thanksgiving.

For instance:

1.  I’ll be too hung over from my food binge.

2.  I’m too lazy to get up early and shop at the crack of dawn.

3.  I hate crowds.

4.  I procrastinate on getting gift ideas together and won’t be even remotely ready to shop that early.  Dec 22nd is how I roll.

5.  There’s a Star Wars marathon on Spike that I need to be present and accounted for.

6.  Did I mention that I hate crowds?  Like, that borderline-claustrophobic, makes-me-sweat-and-panic kind of hate.

7.  Getting dressed isn’t an option.  By 7am on Friday morning, the pants I was able to fit in to a mere two nights earlier won’t be able to be pulled up past my knees.

8.  I prefer to save my physical battles for the playground.

9.  There’s a nap or two I’ll be taking that day.

10.  Fighting the rabid, sleep-deprived bargain shoppers for the last Sophia the First Royal Talking Vanity that won’t fit in our playroom and will get destroyed in less than 2 months? Ain’t NOBODY got time for that.

If you’re brave and organized enough to venture out next Friday to fight it out at your local department store, then I wish you all the best.  I’ll be your silent cheerleader, applauding your efforts while sitting on the couch in my pajamas.

In between my morning and afternoon nap while watching Star Wars in my sweatpants.

 

 

Giving thanks…

Here are a few things I’m thankful for today:

•  My husband

•  My kids

•  Our family

•  Our health and well-being

•  Mashed potatoes

•  Stuffing

•  Pie

•  Okay, carbohydrates.  Carbs.  Fatty carbs.  A la mode.

•  Stretchy pants

 

Wishing you and yours a Happy Thanksgiving! 

Stuffed…

I hope this post finds you all well and having survived Thanksgiving?  Are you as bloated as I am?  If not, what’s your secret?  Please don’t tell me there IS such a thing as low-carb stuffing and low-sodium turkey.  That would just be a crime against the culinary celebration of the holiday.

Jon had off all Thanksgiving week, and it was awesome to have Daddy around for that long.  We took advantage of his presence to do some fun things like trekking out to Golden for their wonderful park and rec center, going out for lunch (and hit Jason’s Deli not once, but TWICE!  In two days!   Can you say Salad Bar Addict?), and even made our virgin trip to the Denver IKEA.  I do believe it cemented a plan to head to the Cincinnati store once we move to stock up on good kid stuff, perhaps some cabinets if needed.  In the meantime, I’m brushing up on my Swedish and making a mental note to have some beer in hand to get through the manual labor of furniture assembly.  Jon also took Mr. B skiing on Tuesday, their inaugural trip this season.  From what I hear, Mr. B did an amazing job.  Ah, to be young and fearless!

Let’s not forget, too, that I had a special treat on Wednesday – a crown!  In my mouth!  Can’t you just hear the sarcasm?  I hate our dentist.  But there aren’t many on our plan, so I stick with them.  I went for a check-up a month ago, and my dentist told me I needed not one, not two, but three f-ing crowns.  At $565 a pop.  Are you kidding me?  Since I wasn’t sure I could stomach all of that work at one time, not to mention shelling out that much for teeth, I opted for getting the critical tooth done, the one with the cavity.  After two hours, I had a temporary crown and made an appointment for a permanent.  Then, 11 days later, that temporary crown was still killing me.  I couldn’t eat on that side, couldn’t drink liquid, and was taking copious amounts of Advil.   I went back to them last week to get the tooth sealed off a little more, and was anxious to get the permanent put in.  They were originally going to take out the temporary without anesthetic, and when the assistant went to pull out the crown, I jumped off the table in pain.  So, they gave me a couple of shots.  10 minutes later, they still couldn’t get it out without me feeling the crap out of it.   Then I was administered the heavy duty stuff and they went to work.  Five days out and I still don’t feel like it is sitting right.  But, I figure I’ll just wait until I have to go back for Round 2 in January and get it checked out.

A bum tooth didn’t stop me from eating my weight in carbohydrates on Thursday though.  It was a pretty mild holiday.  We went over to a friend’s house for dinner, which saved me from having to cook.  The food was delicious, the company was warm and full of laughter.  The kids ran around the house and had a great time with their buddies playing games and throwing stuff, the equivalent of happy hour for the grown-ups.

This…but without sleeves or feet

Now, however, I’m feeling immense regret at my dietary decisions.  Especially after stepping on the scale this morning.  I’m performing this next weekend.  In six days, actually.  And…I have to be in a unitard.  For those of you that don’t know what these monstrosities are, they are full body leotards.  Designed to show off lines, or in my case, extreme cellulite and saddlebags.  Gina don’t do tights.  EVER.  Mentally, I know there is now way around things at this point, that I can’t possibly lose five pounds and two dress sizes in less than a week.  But I’m dreading this experience.  I do have four words of saving grace…an idea that I am grabbing hold of tightly to get me through…THANK GOD FOR SPANX!