How many of you have parents that are still together?

I think I can count on one hand how many friends I have whose parents are still married.  Mine divorced when I was in fifth grade.  While it wasn’t particularly difficult for me, per se, it was extremely hard on my mother, left to be a single mom to three kids and thrown in to the workforce after being home for over a decade.  My father, being the one that called it quits, seemed to fare better.  He remarried a wonderful woman who he is still with today, and they seem genuinely happy.  My mom, on the other hand, married a man who seemed like a good guy…until about 20 years later when he became a selfish ass, Type A control freak, who swindled their life savings and left my mom high and dry.  Well, technically, she divorced him, but he didn’t make it easy, and I think he would have divorced her sooner had he had time to dwindle their money down to nothing so that she wouldn’t get any of it.   It was a nasty split.  My mom seems to be very, very slowly finding her way, but I still worry about her.  My step-father, on the other hand, I don’t worry about in the least and hope I never have another interaction with him ever again.

It seems that the end of a relationship just brings out the worst in most people.  In the rare instances, I think it is possible to have an amicable split.  But it’s just so uncommon.  And lately?  Divorce seems to be surrounding me, like an epidemic.  Where’s my surgical mask?  I don’t want to catch it.

Jon and I got married almost eight years ago.  Looking at our wedding album, half of the married couples or domestic partners that attended our wedding are no longer together.  That is a TERRIFYING statistic.  What the hell is going on?  Or, what I really find myself asking, “What the fuck is wrong with people?”  Several of our dearest friends are calling it quits.  Long, drawn out separations that involve affairs, property disputes, child custody, etc.  Some are being handled well, some are not.  But what is most shocking to me is that the couples dissolving their relationships are some of the ones I looked up to as models.  Models of how two adults should communicate, act towards each other, and work as partners.  People who I thought would be together forever.  People who have been married for 20+ years, with kids going off to college.  People who still love each other dearly but want different things.  Some of the couples that I held up on a relationship pedestal are doing their best to keep things peaceful for all involved, trying to keep the building from crumbling when the foundation is still solid, and I really respect that.  Others are not playing nice, and that kills me.

But what is most devastating to me is that notion that my marriage and its longevity is not a given.  Don’t get me wrong, I would do anything, anything to keep my marriage together.  And at the moment, we’re nowhere near being in any danger.  We squabble like almost every other couple, get on each others nerves from time to time, and will occasionally drift apart. But luckily we both seem to recognize when we’re floating away and haul out the foam noodle to reel each other back in.  Sure, we could probably use more, uh, adult time.  Date nights, or nights without the television on while we lay glazed-eyed on the couch.  But we also enjoy that time, too.  We still love each other very much and enjoy each other’s company.  And thankfully, Jon still laughs at my worst jokes.

I want to be that 50% that makes it.  Not to beat the odds, but because I cannot imagine my life without my partner.  I cannot imagine getting to a place in my life where Jon is not a part of it.  He makes me a better person and challenges me without belittling me.  I feel beautiful and important when I’m with him, and I hope the feels the same (except, you know, not beautiful.  Handsome?  Foxy?  Or is that only for older guys like George Clooney?  Okay, insert whatever adjective men like to hear…).  I chose Jon to share my life with.  I vowed to stick it out, through thick and thin.  Through sickness and health.  Through good times and bad.  And thankfully, so far the good times far outweigh the bad a hundred to one.  Seeing how fleeting “forever and ever” can be?  Makes me work harder at my marriage and helps me appreciate and cherish what I have.