I feel like I need to apologize for my lack of presence in this blog lately.  But I really have to blame it on attention to presence in my non-blog life.  I’ve been spending a lot of time this past week attempting to remain present and “in the moment.”  Y’all, that is some hard shit to do.  I had a friend in town to help out while Jon was away, and instead of my usual multi-tasking of blogging while watching TV, I turned off the laptop and focused on enjoying what I was watching for a change, and being engaged with my friend.  I have to admit, I didn’t miss the blogosphere as much as I thought I would.  Which makes me kind of sad in a way.  I really need to find a way to organize my time so I can internet (that’s right, I just used it as a verb!) to my hearts content, yet not feel like it pulls me away from those around me. 

I’ve also been busy doing “homework” as requested by my therapist.  It’s not horrible, soul searching stuff where I have to chart emotions or write for hours and hours in a journal.  It’s doing some reading and listening.  I’m revisiting Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth, this time via audio book.  I don’t know if it’s getting a first hand description of how the super ego works from my therapy visits, or if it’s just listening to the book from a human voice other than mine, but I have to say, I’m getting a deeper understanding of things this second time around.  I think when I read it the first time, my thought process of the egoic mind was more of the “woe is me” type.  But what I’m finding in myself is that my super ego doesn’t operate that way.  Mine?  It likes to turn it out to others.  So their story becomes mine.  That whatever they say or do seems like a personal attack.  When really?  It’s just their story.  A complicated concept that I’m still trying to get a grip on.  But, overall, I’m feeling a little lighter in mood.  A little less tense.  A whole lot less angry.  And that feels like progress. 

Oh, and I started group therapy as well.  Scared the living shit out of me at first.  I’ve only had one meeting, and on the drive over, I felt like I was going to puke.  See, there’s this whole confidentiality thing about group, so no one could tell me what group was going to be like or what was going to happen, and likewise, I can’t tell you either.  But the fear of the unknown is a mighty one, and I didn’t like not knowing what I was in for.  And wouldn’t you know it?  It wasn’t nearly as scary as my mind had made it out to be.  That super ego is one magnificent liar.