The last thing we want is for our children to experience the stress and heartache of any type of conflict. However, it is inevitable that such situations will arise.

Teaching children how to end conflict peacefully is a vital skill that may help them avoid an unnecessary result and will improve their ability to communicate effectively as they grow. It’s also a skill, I think most of us can safely say, that is difficult to hone!

It takes practice and reinforcement but once such an ability is learned, your child could be successful in their career as well as personal relationships as they bear the torch of leader rather than bully. Teaching this sort of communicative respect can enhance a child’s ability to in turn be respected by his or her peers.

Set a Template

Explaining the basics of dealing with conflict is important but for a child to retain such an explanation may be an overreach. As most know, the attention span of children is limited.

Therefore, if a child has a tangible, direct, written protocol that they can study and refer to, it becomes an opportunity to keep such a reference as a reminder.

Here are a few steps that may help.

Stop, Breathe, Count

When a conflict arises it is often the ‘knee jerk’ emotional reaction that gets most people in hot water. For kids, this can be a fast escalation, unless certain steps are taken.

Stopping, breathing and silently counting to ten the moment conflict arises gives the mind of reason an opportunity to catch up with the mind of emotion.

This first step has the potential to allow a child to “ground” themselves before reacting.

Stand Your Ground

It is important to be able to teach a child confidence when adversely confronted. This is not to become confused with becoming violent. A fine line must be highlighted between the two in order for a child to understand that one is appropriate and the other is not.

Standing one’s ground can be done through direct diplomacy. If the offender wants to physically engage it is best to teach your child to walk away (but not turn around, always keep the perpetrator in sight). Though anyone would find it difficult to walk away while someone is instigating conflict, children can understand ending conflict peacefully whenever possible through positive reinforcement. We have to make it worth something to walk away.

This is a way to incorporate fearlessness with intellect. Not an easy combination but if it is practiced and mastered it can become a lifelong, useful skill.

Try to implement these points:

• Speak directly
• Make eye contact
• Be assertive (not whiny).
• Listen carefully (maybe you are wrong).
• Repeat what the other person says to make sure you understand it and they feel heard.
• Offer to work solutions such as a compromise, “You use the swing for ten minutes and then I will use the swing for ten minutes” and so forth.
• Stand sideways (this avoids giving the other child an opportunity to directly attack if they become violent).
• Always walk away from irrational behavior and find an adult for assistance.

Role Play

Offering your child an opportunity to act out scenarios you may think are pertinent or ones they have actually experienced can be highly valuable.

By offering role play scenes you and your child can practice the best case scenarios from many different angles to find the best result.

Some of these scenes can include playground disputes, being bullied, sports team conflicts, or having feelings hurt by unkind words.

By concentrating on keeping emotions at bay and instead using calculated responses will enable your child to learn how to remain in control of a situation to foster a peaceful resolution.

Don’t Helicopter

As parents we do everything in our power to keep our kids safe. This is commendable but when it borders on suffocation it can be more regressive than progressive.

When conflict arises do not be so quick to step in and referee. This can result in beneficial outcomes on several levels.

• First, you get to watch your child handle the conflict.
• Second, you get to make mental notes on how to adjust and hone their reaction.
• Third, as you remain ‘hands-off’, you are giving a non-verbal ‘nudge out of the nest’ enabling your child to spread their independent wings.

This last attribute may be the most important. Independence is the keystone to a healthy, successful path throughout their life and the younger they learn it the more skilled they will become. Always be sure to praise your child on their effort before constructively criticizing.

Ending conflict peacefully teaches your child that there is power in diplomacy rather than violence. Maybe, if more parents take this approach, society as a whole will eventually rise above ignorance and fear replacing it with intellect and progress.

 

Amy K. Williams is a mom of three and journalist. You can follow her on Twitter and Google+. She thanks you for reading and is very excited to write for Totally Full Of It!