And it appears that all my stress was for naught. In my loopy stage yesterday afternoon, I think I heard that I checked out fine. I still have gastritis, and who knows where that ‘roid went, because she didn’t find anything in the scope. But I’m not dying of cancer, I don’t have some debilitating bowel problem, and I don’t have to do this again until I’m 50. Thank goodness.
For those of you who haven’t had the pleasure of getting a colonoscopy, let me warn you…the prep work sucks balls. Starting Sunday morning, I could eat an egg and a piece of toast, and then it was nothing but “liquids” for the rest of the day. Liquids. Meaning water, sports drinks, clear soda, chicken broth, popsicles and jello (just not red or purple). And let me stop right there for a second. If you know me, you know that I’m an Eater, in love with the act enough to capitalize it. I am not one of those folks that “forgets” to eat breakfast or lunch. I don’t skip meals, and I’m known to eat both Breakfast and Second Breakfast. So just getting through 24+ hours without eating? Shear torture. By Monday morning, I was hangry (a term a friend told me once, that vicious combo of anger brought on by hunger).
Then, to top it off, I had to take this industrial-strength laxative drink. To describe this vile concoction wouldn’t do it justice. But I would liken it to super salty and slimy grape juice, with a horrific aftertaste that really activates a gag reflex. I had to drink 16 ounces of this stuff at noon. It took me almost half an hour to get it down, and it was all I could do not to barf it up. A few hours later found me in fetal position on my bed, cramping and cursing my GI specialist. Then the fun began. There’s this video on the internet by comedian Billy Connolly that gives a pretty accurate depiction of this process, and I won’t scar you with it if you’re against certain language. But ? Hilariously funny and is exactly what happened to me on Sunday. Just when I thought I was done, I had to swallow another 16 ounces of the prep drink at 10pm. While I gagged on the last ounce, I got through most of it and stayed up until almost 2am in my “office.” At least I got to catch up on some reading that night!
Yesterday morning was hard to get through. All I could think about was how starving I was, how thirsty I felt, and how much I wanted to get this all over with. Sure, my abs were nice and flat due to a pretty intense cleanse, but I felt dehydrated, fatigued, and wanted to sleep. The procedure itself was pretty harmless. They gave me a sedative before they began, and I was off to LaLaLand. Next thing I knew, I was in recovery, fully dressed, with the doctor talking to Jon and me about how the procedure went. Biopsies were taken, I’d hear back Friday, and that’s about all I recall. I don’t remember making it to the car, or getting home, making it in to bed. How the hell did I get dressed? Jon didn’t dress me. So, then, who? I guess they had to give me a Big Girl dose of sedative because the first dose didn’t take effect. And man, did I feel it. I slept like a rock for about 3 hours, ate a bowl of buttered pasta, then sacked out again.
Today, I feel good. Relieved, less neurotic. A bit lighter in the loafers. My stomach isn’t too happy with anything that isn’t bland right now, and I have a wicked case of heartburn, but I hope to be back to normal tomorrow. Incidentally, I had to make it to class and a rehearsal today, since we have our big show of the season next week. And I’d have sworn as I tried to make it through barre that I might have been still a teensy bit drugged. Not having much in my tank, it wasn’t ideal. But I got through it, just like I got through yesterday. And this stuff, compared to the load others have to shoulder? It’s a blip on the spectrum. I really feel for those people who are going through really serious medical stuff, trying to deal with all of that as life continues on around them. Believe me, I’m grateful for my clean bill of health.
congrats on a good report. They really ought to find a better way other than that stuff to drink. I’ve never had this procedure, but my parents both have and I have heard these horror stories from them too.
Uggg! The prep sounds awful! My husband had one about 4 yrs ago. I forgot what all goes into it. I just remember right after the colonoscopy. The doctor told him to go get dressed. He instructed that I go with him. I did. The doctor said, “Take it easy!” What does my husband do, he starts dancing around naked. I told him, “SLOW DOWN and get dressed.” He continued to dance around naked.
I’m glad they didn’t find anything funky with you.
So sorry that you had to through such a thing. But, end of it, glad that your reports are good…:)
GINA!! Congrats on making it through… the fasting that is!! That always seems to be the toughest thing for me to do, for I too have had a long love affair with food!! Of course being given a clean bill of health is the bonus, and having survived the actual act of the “colonoscopy” itself is a miracle in my book- I dread the day I may have to go through the same…. SO kudos to you!!! and Thank you Jesus for your clean bill of health!!!
so glad the results were good. enjoy the freedom from worry.
So glad that you are healthy. My Mom has Chron’s Disease and has to go through these routinely. I do not envy you- they are not fun, nor is the prep. Here’s to a celebratory weekend of good health and good eating!
So glad everything went well. Sounds horrible, and add parenting and getting through ballet barre and rehearsal to the mix and you are a warrior! Thanks for sharing, and putting the humor in. Wishing you the best and merde for your performance!
Glad to hear the results came out good. Sounds like an incredibly tough process! I love your perspective on the whole experience… and the fact that you were able to add humor!
Debbye – You’d think with all the advance in medicine, they would have like an Easy Pill that wipes you clean, right?
Alissa – That’s hilarious! I don’t think I was even able to stand up I was so drugged. Let alone dance around naked!
Mum Liya – Thanks for your thoughts, I’m relieved as well!
Carla – yeah, I don’t do so well without food. But if it takes 24hours of feeling crummy to ensure my health, then so be it.
Thanks, Karen!
Tracy – I think that’s one of the things I was worried about was something like Crohn’s or colitis, but thankfully that’s not the case. Sounds horrible. But I do have a hearty menu planned for this weekend to make up for it! Thanks for stopping by.
Keesha – Yeah, thankfully Jon was home this week and took on the kids on Monday night. He’s a good nurse. A murse. Whatever. Thanks for the Merde! BTW, Jon’s taught our kids to say that when I leave for a show. Pure awesomeness.
Paula – I’m completely relieved, and thankful that the whole process is over. Thanks for coming by!
Wow I never knew the prep was sooooo bad- now I’m terrified
Glad it all checked out ok and that you survived with humor in tact!
Leigh
Leigh – let’s just say I’m grateful not to have to do this again for another 10+ years!
G – I am in love with ‘hangry’ – it explains so much of my behavior!
SO glad you’re in the clear! I’ve been thinking of you lots
Thanks, R! Hangry just about sums it up. Thanks for thinking of me!
*sigh* getting one on Friday….yeehaw.
Oh no, Sarah! Blech! Let me just suggest that you get some help with the kids on Thursday as well, it’s not a picnic! I hope that your outcome is squeaky clean. Any reason for going in? I hope it’s nothing serious. Message me if you need to! I’ll be thinking of you…