I had heard this before having Miss P, but never thought it couldn’t be as challenging as folks were telling us. Jon and I are strong, capable people! We can take the load of a second child! Well, Parenting one child versus two? It’s not just double the work, as you’d think. It’s more like triple, or quadruple. Some days, the energy it takes to wrangle two small ones is overwhelming. Other days it feels like survival of the fittest. But on those awesome days when everything just clicks along, we’re all in a great mood, and no one pitches a fit? That’s also exponentially satisfying.
Patience in parenting. I’ve been reading a little on this. I came across this great website called Zen Habits, and they recently featured an article called How to Become a Patient Parent. I won’t go in to all of it, and while it reiterates a lot of what I’ve read or thought already, it also offered some helpful tips. I know that, in general, I need to slow down and realize that not everything has to be stressful. Part of this means questioning what my motives are for each moment. Am I rushing the kids because I took too much time farting around on the internet and now we’re late? Do I want them to calm down while they’re playing and having a good time because I don’t want the noise, even though they’re not really doing anything wrong?

Out of the tips the web article mentioned, here are the ones that struck a chord, and what I’m trying lately:

• Pretend someone’s watching. I forgot where I read this tip (a couple places, I think), but it’s effective. Pretend you have an audience. You’re less likely to overreact with your child if someone’s there watching your every move.

This one is the one that works for me lately. Not that I’m a perfect parent out in public but then turn in to Mommy Dearest in the privacy of my own home. But I do know that I take more liberty to just blow up at home than I do when we’re out and about, or if we have guests over. And if I don’t want strangers seeing me react that way, why would I want my own children to?

• How does this help? When I’m about to say something to my kids, when I can remember, I ask myself, “How does this help my child?” This helps me to re-focus on what’s really important. Yelling or getting angry rarely helps any situation.

By far, I think this one is the hardest one on the list. If you know me, you probably know that curbing my tongue is not one of my strongest attributes. I’m more of a microwave than a slow cooker. React first, rationalize last. But if I can remember to stop and ask this question, perhaps I can nip that in the bud.

• Teach. This is something that helps me a lot. I remember that my kids are just kids — they are not perfect, they do not know how to do things, and they have a lot to learn. I am their teacher. I must be patient, and teach them how to do things — even if I’ve tried to teach them 10 times before, it might be the 11th time when things click. And remember, none of us learn things on the first try either. Find new ways to teach something, and you’re more likely to be successful.

This one also comes in handy while making dinner or fixing something around the house. The more I can get the kids involved in what I’m doing, or what they are doing, the better things seem to go. Especially now that Miss P is in her “I do it!” phase. Would it kill us to be two minutes late while we patiently watch her struggle to lock the door with my keys, all the while dropping them about a hundred times? Probably not.

• Just laugh. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that no one is perfect, that we should be enjoying this time with our kids, and that life should be fun — and funny. Smile, laugh, be happy. Doesn’t always work, but it’s good to remind yourself of this now and then.

Now, this one I can do. And I feel like I’ve been doing more of this laugther-thing lately, which is great. Let’s face it, kids ARE funny. They embrace life. And have no filter. A great recipe for comedy. And laughing helps with that whole Happiness thing. Fake it till you make it!

• Bonus tip: just love. Instead of reacting with anger, teach yourself to react with love. Your child spills something or has a messy room or breaks your family heirloom? Yells at you or gets in trouble at school? React with love. It’s the best solution.

Right on.